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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Tiny Bladder Chronicles pt. 3

Possibly the final installment of The Tiny Bladder Chronicles and perhaps the most embarrassing... While partying at a bar downtown my sophomore year of college I meet a nice girl.  At closing time I'm completely blitzed but her and I decide to walk to a house party about a mile away for some more late night festivities.  On  the way there I had to piss like a race horse but I was trying to be polite and hold it until we got the party.  
Well about half way there we were close to this girl's apartment and she wanted to stop by there so she could grab something. Sweet, this was my chance to finally take a leak... we walked in the apartment and I asked her if I could use her bathroom.  No problem so far.  However, while I'm standing in front of the toilet pissing I remember being lost in thought about what an awesome night I was having, what the next party was going to be like, etc.  I finish up after what seemed like 5 minutes and go to zip up my fly... [extreme panic sets in] because apparently I had somehow forgotten to unzip my fly in the first place. 

I'm wearing khaki pants and the wet spot has covered the entire front.  Time to think fast and start planning my escape... I'm on the 3rd floor and there's no window in the bathroom.  I considered using a hair dryer but of course there wasn't one.  I thought about turning my pants inside out (terrible idea but remember I'm kinda tipsy). I had no choice but to try and make it out the front door without her seeing my pants.  I open the door and she is sitting on the couch and immediately looks back at me asking if I was okay after spotting my accident.  I'm literally walking sideways and mumbling excuses as I move quickly out the front door.

At this point I'm fleeing the scene and do what any normal sober guy would do. I head straight over to a house a block away where I know the guys that live there.  They aren't home but the door is unlocked so I head back to one of bedrooms, find similar khaki pants in a closet, make the switch, leave my pants on his floor and head back towards her apartment complex hoping to continue the night as if nothing had happened. Only one problem though, I had no idea which apartment was hers.  So after 30 minutes of knocking on random doors I give up and call a friend to pick me up.  I can't make this stuff up. 

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