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Friday, September 30, 2011

A True Sausage Party

Sorry for my absence lately but I have been very busy working on my latest installment of the Kenny the Cab Driver series.  If you haven't had a chance to read the first two yet I recommend scrolling down and catching up on those first before continuing.

Apparently Kenny the Cab Driver is a pretty popular guy around these parts and awkward stories about him keep popping up now that he has been exposed here on Beasthammer.  The other day I was hanging out at my friend Burt's house with him and his cousin Vance (except for Kenny, real names have been omitted to protect the innocent) and Burt and I starting talking about the whole D-Money incident.  It's about this time that Vance over hears our conversation and chimes in, "Oh y'all talking about Kenny? The gay cab driver?" Once his assumption is confirmed he begins painfully reciting a Kenny story of his own.

Twas the night before Christmas... no seriously though, it was actually Christmas Eve a couple of years ago and Vance and his buddies were drinking heavily over at one of their houses.  Later that night the unthinkable happens and they run out of beer.  Being responsible young men they decide not to drive for a beer run and start brainstorming some alternatives.  One of the guys whips out a business card for "Kenny the Cab Driver" and having had a ride home from Kenny in the past this guy knew how EAGER Kenny was to please.  They give Kenny a call asked if he would run by a gas station, pick up a case of beer and come drop it by their house.  He didn't even put up a fight.  Within a half hour there's a knock at the door... they open it and find Kenny standing there and apparently Kenny decided to go the extra mile.  This guy's standing outside the door with not only a case of beer but he's got a sausage and cheese platter in the other hand.  Vance said it looked like he had sliced up the sausage with his car keys and the cheese was all "melty looking."   Kenny invites himself in the house in an effort to "hang with the boys" aka give them all HJ's but after about 5 minutes of awkwardness he is politely eased back out the door.  Bless his little heart... he was just looking to have a "White Christmas."