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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Legend of Eddie Guy

This story, which comes from my friend Randy, is an instant classic.  I believe this all took place up in Raleigh while Randy was still in school at NCSU.  What you're about to read is a true story.

On a random Saturday night one of Randy's friends from out of town came to Raleigh to go out partying with him and some guys.  Well, this friend from out of town also brought with him a friend... a muscle shirt (probably a graphic tee) wearin' bad ass named Eddie Guy.  So the guys go out to some bars and apparently the whole night Eddie is being the typical "I think I'm a bad ass" douche bag, you know the type... always one-upping everyone's story, taking lots of shots & bragging about being a ladies man.  Towards the end of the night Eddie comes back from the bathroom with a pissed off look on his face and goes on and on about how some dude standing next to him in the bathroom was checking out his junk pile.  He was so mad the guys had to calm him down because all he kept saying was, "I ain't gay!  Ain't no dude gonna check out my man-meat... not unless he wants me to knock him out!"

This goes on a little while longer until the guys decide to leave the bar and continue their drinking back at Randy's house.  They took separate cars and when they got back to the house Eddie Guy was nowhere to be found.  His friend that he came in from out of town with told Randy that Eddie had left with a couple of guys to score some drugs.  I think most of the guys found comfort in this because at least they got a break from Eddie for a while, in fact it turns out that he never came back that night at all.  When they all woke up the next morning, they find Eddie sitting in the recliner looking like he'd been to hell and back.  He tells everyone how he bought some drugs off those guys, met some hot chicks and stayed up the entire night partying.  Rock on brother!

Now lets here the real story shall we?  After Eddie has had time to recover for a couple hours him and his friend get on the road and head back home. A few hours later a girl Randy knows stops by to hang out and starts telling a story about how some weird guy went home with two of her guy friends last night.  They eventually figure out that she is talking about Eddie Guy... When Randy starts telling Eddie's version of the story the girls just starts laughing.  "He definitely wasn't partying with any girls last night," she said.  "Those two guys he went home with are gay and they told me this morning that they basically stayed up all night doing drugs and double teaming your friend."  Turns out Eddie Guy was willingly giving up his mouth and butt for drugs.  I guess he wasn't quite they ladies man he made himself out to be. The best part of the story was how mad he got at the guy in the bathroom for sneaking a peek.  Eddie Guy has never been seen again.


not russ said...

dudes will give u drugs if u smoke their cocks?? seriously? like, where would someone go to make this happen? just saying....

randy said...

excellent recount of the story beast, but a few Eddie Guy fun facts for the rest of the fans out there. we didnt learn this till later but eddie guy was on the run from his bookie who he owed thousands of dollars to(probably drug dealer too)this was a violation of his probation. he called his friend on his way to nc from nj to tell him he was on his way to visit. when he first got to our place he started pounding beers and telling stories of banging chicks and by the time we went out he was smashed and every guy in the bar was staring him down according to him. he kept saying stuff like "that faggot over there keep staring at me imma beat his ass" and i kept trying to calm him down telling him that no one is trying to fight him. he had made several questionable remarks through out the night such as "i aint gay but kevin is a good looking guy, he use to get all the girls", he was a big meat head so i had no reason to doubt his sexuality. one of my other friends was fucking a chick at the time and we went to a party with her. when eddie comes back from the bathroom telling me "this fucking faggot was jacking his dick watching me piss".... all i can think is that no one does that gay/bi/straight, although there was a lot of drugs at the party and a bunch of gay guys too, it was all a little weird. we left but eddie wanted to stay cuz he wanted to do some blow and some x, we come back a few hrs later and he refuses to leave with us but eventually he caves and comes with us. upon returning to our apt he asks to use my phone so he could call his girl. i go to bed and when i wake up the next am he is sitting in the chair strung out and is like "hey man i called those guys and they came and picked me up and i did like 3 more x pills and snorted like 10 lines of blow" im like good for u. we were going to my friends house in 7 lakes this am to go out on his lake. eddie is half past out and shouting nonsense the whole morning when my friends mom comes out to pick blackberries and one of the people asks where she is gonna pick them from and eddie lifts his head and yell "from fuckin west virginia muther fucker, where the fuck do you think" my friends mother is a christian southern bell so she acts like she didnt understand what he said, but im sure she did. we knew we could leave him on the shore with this lady so we go to get on the boat and he yells "hey randy... keep an eye out and make sure aint nobody tryin to scope my hammer (he always refered to his penis as his hammer) the best part is he yells my name while he is facing me with his dick pulled out the bottom of his swim trunks... and of course i see it, which i think was the plan all along. the stripper had left her phone in raleigh but when we returned she had several voicemails from her gay friends saying that eddie had "fucked got fuck, sucked and got sucked" by their gay friend mark!!! so in conclusion either eddie is either gay himself... or not straight! no straight man gives up his ass or mouth for a little blow or x pills!

Jfuknr said...

This is the 1st time reading this blog that I felt I needed to shower immediately afterwords.

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