Search This Blog


View My Stats

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Text From Last Night

I know, I know... I'm biting off of the popular website "Text From Last Night" with this one but it was literally a text from last night that cannot be disregarded.   Allow me to set this up for you.  This past Friday I went out with my friends and ended up sleeping at my friend Nick's house.  I wake up really early in the morning feeling horrible and immediately have to run to the bathroom (the library as I like to call it) and conduct my business.  One small problem...  the toilet paper supply in this bathroom was non existent.  Now, here is the exact text from last night to my friend Nick word for word.
Me:  Remember that time I had to wipe with a hand towel?  Those were the days?
Nick:  First of all, that needs to be on the Beasthammer tomorrow!  Second, Gross!
Nick:  (13 minutes later) Third, that was 4 days ago!
Nick:  (10 hrs 54 minutes later) Fourth, you threw the towel out in the waste basket in the bathroom!
Ahhh, its really the little things in life that keep us going.  I'm going to refrain from doing any artwork related to this matter for obvious reasons.  The best part, nobody was awake for me to tell them about it so they found out about an hour later when the dog was walking around the kitchen with the towel in his mouth after digging through the trash can.  I was forced to confess.  At least I went the gentleman's route and didn't try to flush it causing an even bigger disaster.
Ok, I lied about the artwork, I couldn't resist.


Anonymous said...

i sat in the hottub at my apartment complex for 2 solid hours and it made me crap myself. i shuffled into the pool bathroom and threw my shorts in the trashcan by the sink. just wanted to get that off my chest.


Anonymous said...

yep.. out of all that happened we can definately say, at least you went the gentleman's route. Really?

BeastHammer said...

I have never been more proud Russ. That is quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever read.

BeastHammer said...

Hey, there aren't a whole lot of gentleman left in this world and BeastHammer is a gentleman if nothing else. I prefer to think of Restroom Management as a "Gentleman's Game."

Anonymous said...

Dude, that's AWESOME. I don't feel so ashamed of my pumpkin pie incident at the practice range down the street from the Pit. You know, the one that was tucked off the side road and is no longer there? Yeah, I had a bad case of the BG's and had no choice but to visit the pine trees.

I left the practice tee fully clothed, but came back missing my boxers. Going commando after a pumpkin pie is not recommended, but sometimes common sense and logic go out the window...along with the boxers.

JR and I laughed for about 30 minutes after returning to the tee box. I almost had a second accident directly in my britches.

Keep them coming BeastHammer. I find myself yurning for your posts that my wife is thinking of sending me to therapy.

nathan said...

why is poop just so damn funny?

Post a Comment