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Thursday, April 15, 2010

My First Night in Prison

Ahhh... this is probably one of my fondest memories.  I'm not sure if it was the orange flip flops, the green jump suit or the prison issued whitey tighties but something about this night always brings on the goosebumps.

During my last semester at college I was right in the middle of a typical Friday night, boozin it at some bar downtown when for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to walk back to my fraternity house which was probably a mile away.  My first mistake was walking there by myself and my second mistake was leaving the bar angry. Can't remember why I was angry but it's irrelevant.  After I had stumbled about halfway there my anger had risen to unsafe levels and I came across a street sign that was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  The second my death grip had a hold of that steel pole I realized something that would forever change my life... I possessed "retard strength" when I was this drunk... and lots of it.

After I'd shaken the pole loose and pulled it from the earth I suddenly hear cheers coming from a group of kids walking about 50 yards behind me.  What's that?  You want a show?  I'll give you an effin show!  I lift up the street sign like a javelin and launched it into the middle of the road.  [MORE CHEERS]  It felt like a scene from the movie Gladiator... the crowd wanted more, who was I to let them down?  So like a dumbass I run out into the middle of the street and kick the sign... only this time there were no cheers.  I turned around to see why I've disappointed my fans only to find that there is a cop standing there with them asking if I was part of their group.  They of course sold me out and before I knew what was going on I was in handcuffs trying to explain that I didn't do anything wrong. The cop had a digital camera in her hand that she'd taken from one of the kids and showed me a picture of myself with my leg in the air kicking the sign.  Technology can be a bitch sometimes.  



your probably were mad because you got rejected at the bar by some girl you were trying to bang. OUCH!

BeastHammer said...

Your words cut like a knife

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