The time is now sheeple... we must all come together, put aside our differences and unite. As individuals we cannot accomplish what needs to be accomplished but as a team we can do the undreamable. As one of my hero's Kenny Powers once said, "There is no 'I' in team, but there is a 'U' in c*nts so stop acting like little c*nts" and stockpile as much Four Loko as you can fit in your house. Maybe even bury some in the ground.
The government is waging a war against young, smart and unbelievably attractive people such as yourself to stop you from being a consumer of Four Loko. They want to tell me I can't get blackout drunk on Four Loko and piss myself but I'm allowed to buy a handle of tequila, pound it and expose myself in front of an elementary school lunch line. Hardly makes sense if you ask me. 4 or 5 states have already banned this drink and my guess is the rest will follow, except for maybe North Dakota and South Carolina, because... what else have they got, really? As your financial adviser and role model, I suggest that immediately following the reading of this article you invest heavily in Four Loko's publicly traded stock. Ride the wave all the way to the bank baby because people are going to be buying this stuff up with the same reckless abandon as Justin Bieber CD's and wigs.