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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Secret Handshake

I'd like to say I've been holding this story back but actually I had just forgotten about it until it was brought up a few weeks ago when I was hanging out with some friends of mine.  Perhaps it was just a memory I had suppressed.  I just recently shared on here an embarrassing story about my friend the Korean Cowboy so it is only fair that I provide, yet another, awkward moment from my past.  After all, Beasthammer is only human. 

When I was fresh out of college I entered a management training program with a small local bank and one of my first branches that I managed was out in the middle of nowhere in town abandoned by society.  I could honestly go almost an entire day without seeing a customer walk into the bank.  So, I found other ways to pass the time... and since this was a bank with strict regulations that meant either email or Microsoft Paint (this is actually where I began honing my Paint skills).  Well on this particular day I was just sitting at my desk when one of my friends sent me an email that was definitely in poor taste and while I can't recollect the topic of the forwarded email I am most certain it contained female nudity.

It was about this time that I heard the front door of the bank open and saw an older gentleman walk in, approach one of the tellers and ask if he could speak with the manager.  He was a long time customer of the bank and apparently just wanted to introduce himself to the new manager.  Before I could react he walks into my office introducing himself as he is closed in on my desk.  I instinctively rise from my chair to shake hands when I realize that the before mentioned email had given me a semi-erection and of course in dress pants with your shirt tucked in there is no hiding even the smallest of meat buildup.   It is at this moment that I do one of the most awkward and regrettable things I've ever done in my life... I limply cover my groin with my right hand and extend an upside down left hand to meet his outstretched right hand.  WHAT?!  How in the name of God did I get my hands confused?  If anything it directed more of his attention to my boner.  I might as well of just rested  it up on the desk.  From what I remember he didn't hang around to chit chat much longer after our handshake.  I just hope he thought that maybe I was paralyzed on the right side of my body.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


randy said...

the weak-sauce, backwards ass, left handed, dead fish, woman like, broderline homo, cold limp hand shake is more embarrassing that the weak sauce semi-boner!

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