Front Porch Chillin'

Just when I thought I had heard of everything and all the embarrassing stories have dried up, one of my friends totally bails me out by doing something completely irresponsible.  This story is from about a week ago involving my friend... let's refer to him as "The Korean Cowboy," or KC from now on in an somewhat weak ass attempt to protect his identity.

For KC this was just another typical night out on the town getting absolutely annihilated to the point where you don't know whether to tie him to a tree so he can't hurt himself or pretend you're calling him a cab but summon the local police instead.   I guess on this night neither of those two options were available and somehow he made it back to his house.  While standing on the front porch about to put his key into the lock he suddenly is struck with a great idea... things are about to get epic.  Instead of letting himself into his house he decides to walk over to the corner of the porch, pull his pants down around his ankles and begins to serve the wood planks a delicious "Carolina Hot Plate."  He finishes his business, pulls up his pants and goes inside to call it a night.  No harm no foul right?

Not exactly.  He wakes up the next morning and walks out the front door to get the newspaper, feel the sunshine or whatever it is drunk guys do the next morning only to find that someone had spilled a giant bowl of chocolate pudding on his front porch.  Puzzled, KC investigates the crime scene further and that's when he see's it... the culprit has left a piece of evidence immersed in the pool of pudding... it was a wallet! Case closed, Book 'em Dano! But wait, this wallet looks familiar.... KC carefully opens the soiled wallet and is hit hard by the truth... it was HIS wallet, it must have fallen out of his jeans when he pulled them down and it was in fact, covered in his own $hit.  Keep the stories coming Mr. Cowboy!