After my first semester at East Carolina University I decided that all the hard work I was putting into my school work was making things a bit too easy. Why not join a fraternity? That should make keeping good grades just a touch more difficult... you know, really challenge me. Well it did, actually it made school obsolete altogether because me and my other 6 pledge brothers spent the next three months getting yelled at and scrubbing toilets with toothbrushes. I'll save you guys the play by play on my entire pledge period and skip right to the good stuff.. HELL WEEK. This was the last week of our initiation and it was a very bad week. On one of the last nights of hell week we were given a list and told we had 2 hours to complete a scavenger hunt of epic proportions. I can't remember everything that was on the list but I do remember three of them... we had to bring back some form of roadkill, a nipple imprint in a fresh peanut butter jar from a sorority house and a yard gnome. The first two were actually easier than I thought but the yard gnome turned out to be the hardest one. Oh... by the way, we didn't actually get to see the act of imprinting the peanut butter.
So we're driving around for a while just looking in people's gardens for a yard gnome but we had no luck and we were running out of time. We did not want to find out what our punishment would be if we failed to get one of the items so we decided to go to Wal-Mart and just buy one. Turns out those little sumbitches are expensive! That's when my friend Morgan came up with plan B. The garden section of this Wal-Mart was outside and Morgan assured us he could just walk over there, grab the gnome and casually walk back to the car with it. The perfect crime. Time was running out, I was driving so I figured what the hell, I would just haul ass if he got caught. Well... he did get caught... BY A COP! As soon as he grabs the gnome a cop is patrolling around the parking lot and sees the burglary in process. Morgan (being level headed) sees the cops and instead of putting the gnome down and walking away he panics and takes off running to our vehicle. It was like watching a mix between the Special Olympics of and Oceans 11 because Morgan was wearing Birkenstock sandals and was having trouble keeping stride to say the least.
I am starting to freak out at this point because the cop is turning around in the parking lot to come after him so I start slowly pulling off while one of the guys in the back opens the door. Morgan finally catches up, throws the gnome in the back and jumps in and I immediately slam on the gas and head out of the parking lot and into the street. I am a terrible get away driver and I just start making turns at every street that comes up. I guess it worked though or the cop just never followed us. Either way the mission was a huge success and Morgan was our little hero.