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Friday, September 10, 2010

The Blow Starter

This story always reminds me of some good awkward moments.  Shortly after being apprehended for driving under the influence I was convicted and sentenced to a one year suspension of my driver's license.  Since I was a first time offender and refused to ride around on a moped (or as I like to call them "liqour-cicles") the judge was kind enough to grant me permission to drive me car during this year under one condition... I had to have a breathalyzer installed in my car.  Ok, a bit much for a first time offender like myself but it's nothing I can't handle.  I was wrong. 

Even though being convicted of a DUI had deterred me from drinking and driving, it had not stopped me from drinking... I just had to find rides now.  Well this turned out to be a problem in itself because I still had to be at work by 9 am which meant I had "blow start" my car sometime around 8:30.  I can't even tell you how many times I would fail the breathalyzer before work from drinking the night before.  Keep in mind these devices are sensitive to alcohol and will even detect small traces of mouthwash.  At the time I didn't know how high my alcohol content was each time I failed but it only had to be .01%.  When you failed it would lock you out for 30 minutes and then you could try again.  One morning went like this... failed at 8:30, went back inside, waited an hour, failed again, called in sick to work, tried again around 10:30 because i wanted to go get breakfast, failed again, waited three more hours, tried to go to lunch and failed AGAIN.  You have to take your car to the Breathalyzer company every 2 months so they can get an activity report on your box.  It wasn't till then that I could see the print out of all my failed attempts.  Wow... on that particular day I just mentioned I failed to start my car at 1:30 pm with a B.A.C. of .07% (.08% being the legal limit for those of you that live under a rock).  .07%  at 1:30 the next day... now that's getting after it son!  I would have to blame that period of my life on my favorite whiskey Ol' Grandad. 

Oh,  not only did the breathalyzer in the car really cramp my style because of the reasons I just stated... it also looked like I was passing out blow jobs if anyone was ever riding with me.  Cheers!

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