The Tar River

My brother lives in Eastern North Carolina and his house is close to the Tar River. This is an actual river, look it up.  So he invites me, my mom and a couple of my friends down on a Saturday to go out on his boat for the day.  We decided to leave Saturday morning because we wanted to stay in town Friday night and drink... a lot.  Needless to say we had a tough time just getting to my brother's the next morning not to mention I decided to bring my good friend BG (Bubble Guts) to the party.

Everything was going according to plan.  We had been on river wake boarding and tubing for a couple of hours and I remember sitting in a chair on the back of the boat watching one of my friends prepare to ski when I was instantly struck with some of the worst stomach cramps I'd ever had.  I immediately started sweating and looking for an exit plan.  The Tar river is such that it does not have any shallow shores and is mostly lined with jagged tree trunks so there was no hiding out in the woods. At this point it was either go in my bathing suit or jump in the water.  I headed to the front of the boat, jumped off and reached up to hang from the front railings before anyone knew what was going on.  While I'm hanging there in the water with my shorts down and my knees raised up I remember thinking, "Oh it'll just sink to the bottom."  I couldn't have been more wrong... the opposite happened and next thing I know I'm surround by BG and all his dirty friends. 

At this moment everyone figures out what is going on and the look of disgust and amazement on their faces will haunt me forever. It looked like a shark attack scene from Jaws except the water was not red it was brown.  Keep in mind my mother was on the boat the whole time. True Story.  Better out than in I always say.